So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
