and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
