i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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