Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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