at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
