you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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