Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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