They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
