there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Couch. On fire.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
