I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
