He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
