She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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