i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
