i permit you to call me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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