I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
