...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
