Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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