can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
