Your face is a jimmy john
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
