Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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