I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
