Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
porn star boner night. come get it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
