At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
