I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She needs sedatives and a leash
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
