This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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