i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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