aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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