ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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