Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
