I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
