There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
