Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
