So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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