my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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