I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
