remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
