I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
