I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
