Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
