there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
