we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
