I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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