It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
