I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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