yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
