How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I smell stomach acid.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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