So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is classic penis vs brain.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
