Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
