Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
