Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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